Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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