If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize