I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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