margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize