if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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