he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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