Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
