He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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