On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
