So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
