I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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