the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
