The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
