I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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