I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
