Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
