I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize