when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
