Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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