hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
