this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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