he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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