hotel room ftw
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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