he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
