I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she pinky promised me she was 18
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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