the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
