Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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