I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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