Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
