I'm passing your future prison.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
