I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
