just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
