actually, I'm a sock model
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
