i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
