This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
