just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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