we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
