Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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