last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
