I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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