I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
