No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
