I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
