Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
