The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
