Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I looked at my own cervix.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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