Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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