I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
