Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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