You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
