New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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