DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
