I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
