if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
