I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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