do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
