please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You need Xanax blowdarts
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
