Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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