I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
