so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
be right there i have to get my cape
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
