I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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