Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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