but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
