Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
