Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
