Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
