I skipped work to stalk him.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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