whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
