I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
