If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
