If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
