It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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