I cockslap morals
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
