You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
