Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
