Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
