you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
