then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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