I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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