My liver just broke up with me...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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