so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I cockslap morals
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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