you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
