That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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