My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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