I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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